Secret Resume

The Finger by Nick Veasy
Objective: Frantic, just-barely-not-drowning single mother seeks to optimize maximum dollars earned in the minimum number of hours.


  • Loud. Hides actual knowledge gaps with unwarranted confidence, possibly satanic in origin, projected with a steady voice and impressive vocabulary.
  • Distracting. Engages staff in tomfoolery. 
  • Always on. Covers for insecurities about just-barely-not-drowning lifestyle by being available at all hours. Also a raging insomniac.
  • Performs under pressure.  A side-effect of decades-long trauma.
  • Wildly competitive. It's always a contest.
  • Terrified. Will do most anything for a paycheck, spurred on by the large eyes of tiny daughters and the belief that the only way to stay safe against death's gaping maw is to continue to acquire meager savings. 
  • Issues with authority. You're not the boss of me. 
  • Loyal. Show me a shred of kindness or respect, and I will worship you.


2013 - present: Morally conflicted banker and overpaid typist with loud-mouthed opinions no one wants to hear. 

2010 - 2013: Professional writer of articles about things I don't understand.

2001- 2010: Monkey-branching from teaching gig to writing gig without job security, enough money to survive, or access to health care. Somehow gets by without significant impacts to credit or stints of homelessness.

1996 - 2016: Persevered through ill-advised romantic entanglements with half-functional alcoholic, drug-addled, unfaithful man-children. Experimented with vaginal cures for addiction (failed). 

1995- present: Senior Director of Cats.


2003: Long Island University - Master's in terrible life choices, poetry, insecurity, and surviving in an unfamiliar city overwhelmed by the aftermath of terrorism.

2001: UNC Chapel Hill - BA with Highest Honors - English literature with a concentration in hangovers and inappropriate poetry about boys.

2000: L'Instituto Lorenzo de Medici, Florence, Italy -  Semester abroad pretending I was an art major, solidifying a life-long habit of working adjacent to real art majors.


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